The first glance, the first date, the first kiss, the first sex act are remembrances that always will be in the memoir of any human being. As farther the relationship progresses it boils down to the couple define objectives or set goals for their future.
Marriage, living together, having or not kids are decisions that should be taken carefully under the threat of weakening, and at times, do apart with the relation. So I say because the predictable routine that gets established in familial life it is one of the major factors of wearing out in a relation, sex inclusive.
One too many couples opt out for not having kids, or even to post pone a gestation to experiment and take the most out of their experiences and that includes the freedom of traveling and having it off with no further notice, preventing to the limit that the relation falls in a rut.
Others, those couples that resolve to build their families, disregarding of the gestation moment and arrival of children end by falling earlier in routine, which ends up most often affecting their sexual life. This is so because no matter how many kids, who are a gift, would be wished for and planned on by the couple; it is only a question of time for their sexual life to suffer interference and alterations.
Hence shortly after labor the woman may show alterations in her libido in detriment of breastfeeding. Yet in this phase is commonplace that certain men avoid sexual contact with their partners, fact that, in the light of psychology, gets attributed to the sanctification of the woman.
Time goes by and no matter if she stays home while he goes to work or both hold down jobs, kids wind up by collaborating directly in getting a routine established. Timetable to wake up and go to sleep, feeding-time, take and collect kids at school- even if done by someone else; extra-curricular activities are mandatory routine of any ordinary family.
And sex? Sex indeed exists, but not whenever moved simply by urges that the couple now shags. If the child or adolescent is about there can no longer be sex games on the loose around the house, or randomly. Sex now only when kids are fast asleep or outdoors. Even so their sexual freedom gets affected, for even if the children were asleep, they could wake up, or even if being outside, unless spending the night out, it is certain that they will come back.
Sex can also be delightful even when bringing up kids. So long as the couple manages to exercise their creativity. If they are asleep lock the bedroom door, whatever takes place in there bears entirely responsibility of the couple in case they wake up will have to knock on the door. If they gone out or will stay over at relatives or friends, the couple can take advantage of it and relish on sex as if were just two of them, but a movie session, dinner out or dancing and then some at a swanky motel may be the moments of relaxation that bring a lot of goodies to any sexual relationship.But one thing is for sure out of it all. After kids, never again the sexual life will be as before.
By Kelly Cristine Barbosa Cherulli
Psychologist and Sexologist